Before I begin my how "spiel" on Fantastic Four; I want to tell you the mood I was in yesterday before I decided to go see this. Cinemark, the pieces of human excrement that they are, wouldn't do anything but give me a free pass because their projector was messed up on Straight Outta Compton. In my frustrations, my fiancee and I decided to go to the Springmill Drive In to go see Hitman: Agent 47 and Fantastic Four. I was quite surprised with Hitman: Agent 47, I would need to refresh on the previous film to compare which is better. But, I liked it. But, the real fun began when Fantastic Four began to grace the screen.
Before I start to sink my teeth into this horrendous waste of $100+ million; as far as Fantastic Four goes as a Marvel property, I do somewhat like it and enjoy it. Though, as the years pass on and Marvel themselves taking it upon them to make their own movies has given me more to look forward too than the wrath of Doctor Doom and Galactus. So, where does this leave us? I did follow the production pretty closely and read about the horrible production process for this film that literally has destroyed Josh Trank's career. To be fair, I didn't care for Chronicle, so, I expected more from him.
So, we re-establish the origins and fumble it all to hell within an hour and forty minutes. The story establishes Ben Grimm and Reed Richards as being childhood friends who create a portal for outer-dimensional travel. At first Reed believes it to be China until he and Grimm are told by Professor Baxtor and his adopted Caucasian daughter, Sue, inform him that it's from another planet.
Reed is given a full scholarship, but, not Grimm for some reason. Baxtor wants Reed to build a bigger version along with someone who came up with the theory; Victor Von Doom. And in the first scene, he looks like the obese man from Warcraft episode of South Park. Which, I feel that it was probably a scene directed by Josh Trank as in all of the other scenes before the incident, he acts totally different and is an ass.
After the incident in which Grimm, Doom, Reed, and Johnny travel to the other planet; for some reason; Sue receives the abilities by some sort of blowback from them returning to Earth or something. It was never explained even though she didn't travel with them, but, hey, why not?
So, after much dragging about and Reed escapes the military installation of Area 57; we jump to a year in future with Reed running while Grimm is now a military weapon and is fighting the war on terror. After Prof. Baxtor convinces his adopted daughter to help the government to track Reed, he finally comes home. Then we're all ready towards the end and nothing has really happened and the government decides to go back to the planet to collect samples when ... VICTOR IS ALIVE!!!
Surprised? Really? He's been on that planet for a year and is still going. I don't get it. But, whatever, Doom comes back and he's a little cranky and starts killing for no real reason other than he feels that he needs too. Doom kills Prof. Baxtor and goes back to the planet and somehow after being alone for a year is able to make a portal that is sucking Earth through a portal. With no real explanation how, he has it and is trying to kill the planet. And after a quick battle that is virtually two minutes long, Doom is killed and the Earth is saved. And thus ... the Fantastic Four was born! The END!
The biggest thing, continuity wise, Kate Mara's hair! In one scene alone, her hair changed three times in like a minute. Her hair would be short and dirty blonde; then to cut to long solid bright blonde; and then cut again and then in a ponytail. It got to a point where my fiancee and I would notice that her hair would be different in shots in almost every scene that she is in. You can have a drinking game with her hair change.
The lack of story and how overall weak it is. Doctor Doom is a weak villain who dies all too easily. A real storyline that is non-existant. This film deserves to get it's ass kicked. It could have been so much and more. Josh Trank cries foul over this, I call bull. After everything, bull.
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